Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
