Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
