I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
