I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize