I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
