guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
