i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
