Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
