are you so shy because you have an std?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
