hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
