hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize