Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
