I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
what day is it and did you see me today?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
