Yo dont text me then not text me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
