Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
