I think my vagina is haunted
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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