I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
