Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
