I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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