I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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