Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
