Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize