1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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