Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
