I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
