Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
