my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
