your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
