my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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