One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
