Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
