it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
