Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
