what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
