Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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