So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
