Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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