Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
