good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
