3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
