I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize