If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
