Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
