Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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