I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she peed on how many people?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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