I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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