i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
