i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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