I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its not stalking. its research.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
