Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
