we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
