If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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