I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
