haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
