peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A bitchslap is in order.
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