just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
