I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
