she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize