did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
