Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
