I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
