Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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