I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
