I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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