If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
