i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
