I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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