I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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