I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
