i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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