these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Randomize
