My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
