Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
