I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
