Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
