Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize