I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
