My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
