he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
