We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
