i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
