I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize