It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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