1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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