Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
