yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
