You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
