Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
