Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
