my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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